Posts Tagged ‘learning+teaching’

a ‘Goal-Setting Workshop’…

Friday, November 16th, 2007

…it’s that Time of the Year
…when we’re busily juggling Family & Stress & more Family & (guilt) about New Years Resolutions long-forgotten

…& maybe a bit of reflection-time gets squeezed-in; “am I where I thought I’d be, back when?”

Well then– now’s a great time for a Goal-Setting Workshop!!

It basically goes like this:
1) find a quiet room, spare hour, & no cell phone
2. grab a sheet of paper & pen (not pencil)
3. sit down, & think: “what would i do, if i COULD NOT FAIL, & had INFINITE TIME & FUNDS”.
4. now write, for the rest of the hour, -and-
5. don’t think about “coulda/shoulda/woulda” or “i can’t” or “that’ll never happen”

-then-
6. finish the hour, go take a break, come back, &
7. start separating the ideas into: “1 year from now”, “5 years”, “10 years”, “20 years”

-and finally-
8. pick the top ‘interesting’ idea from “1 year”, the one you’re most inspired by, & do something NOW, right that minute, specifically & physically, to start making it happen!!

  • sign-up for a class,
  • fill-out a visa/travel application,
  • google the nearest xxx & spend the rest of the day hanging out there doing yyy
  • etcetc!!

IOW: break that “cool thing I’d like to (have) done someday” down into ‘bite-sized chunks’, & then take a big bite :-D
It’s called “baby steps”… but you have to make that step!!

Really– You can DO IT!!
There’s nothing stopping you!!

Do it TODAY!!
Make it Real– do something tangible that you can hold in your hand, when you hit the pillow tonight… something you hadn’t woke-up this morning thinking you would do, something that you hadn’t really ever thought you could do!

It doesn’t matter if it “makes no sense”; pay no heed to the (voices) that say, “you’ll never be able to do that”… take that first step anyway!!

And then tomorrow, do another! And another!!
Write-down your Goal, & your list of Steps, add target-dates on each Step, & hang it on your bedroom door, or over your mirror. You can’t believe how great it feels, when you check-off another ’step’ towards that Goal, that thing you “didn’t believe possible”.

…& why does all this work??
…b/c all those ‘little steps’, bit by bit, start adding-up… like ‘interest’ in your savings account, you start getting more & more ‘momentum’, more & more ‘leverage’…
…& previously-’unreasonable’ things, ideas, start becoming more possible
…you start saying “i can do that” more & more
…you start realizing “hey, i already did that(?!!)” to things that you’d've previously avoided

…you start being less “at the effect” of the events in your life, & more in the position of choosing What & Where & Why…
…less apt to ‘put up with’ stuff you’re ‘kinda/sorta not-interested’ in, &
…lots more apt to walk-in w/ a clear, specific Goal, & not leave until you Get it…

It’s called Purpose
It’s called Momentum
It’s called Success :-D

…fwiw, i did all this in ‘94, & have gotten everything on my list so far… i’m kinda blown-away, actually.
…we’re talking “never in a million years” stuff :-P

& for reference, the ’steps’ above are straight out of Franklin Quest, Tony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, etcetc

    “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.” –Patanjali, author of the Yoga Sutras

…Now go out, & have a Blast!!!

PS: If your ‘work situation’ isn’t exactly as fulfilling as it might be, you may want to check-out this post. ‘Ta!

Tags: ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Notes on the ‘life-sucks’ moment…

Saturday, July 15th, 2006

Here’s a little something I worked-up for a workshop some years back:
Ever have that moment when ‘life sucks’? When everything seems just ‘too-much’, when you just wanna give-in?

Sure you have. it’s normal; it’s a valid part of the human condition (“human”, b/c you can spend a whole heckofalot of time futilely waiting to see a cat ever act this way :-P ).

And if “life-sucks” is part of the human condition, so is its opposite — ie, getting out of that state-of-mind, & [back] into “life-is-great”.

Let’s start w/ a reality-check– why not stop, take a second, & check which side of the ‘classical divide’ you’re in right now:

  • is the glass 1/2-full? -or-
  • is the glass 1/2-empty?

Or if that seems too silly or arbitrary, try instead to see if you can say “5 nice things” right now. Doesn’t matter about who, & you don’t have to ’share’… but if you can say them aloud that can help a lot to make them more ‘real’.

So what did you get? ‘5 Nice Things’, ‘Glass is 1/2-full’, everything great? Well then, off with you! You’re doing great, so go grab some sun, or catch a movie… The rest of us here are going to explore this a little further.
Okay, where were we? The first thing to realize about the ‘life-sucks’ frame-of-mind, is it’s just that– only a frame-of-mind, & a temporary one at that.

How’s that? Well, it’s literally impossible to always stay in a ‘depressed’ state-of-mind… for example, if you shove your face in front of a butterfly, a giggling baby girl, or a clown, it’s very hard to stay depressed. Similarly, if you practice ‘Inner Smile’… ie, ‘fake it’.

Which is why, when you’re depressed, you often [unconsciously] try to avoid those happy things… some part of you wants to sit in that unhappy energy, wants to wallow in it, b/c it’s getting something from it, some kind of validation from it.

Well, that’s all fine, & even ‘normal’ as well!

However– I submit to you, the part of you that’s getting validation for wallowing in depression, is not you.

Here’s a reality-check– what do you ’sound like’, when you say (or think) negative things, eg. when you’re depressed? Er, maybe sounds like that person who was depressed when you were a kid? Or maybe like that parent who always gave you a hard time? Billionaire Larry Ellison told an interviewer once, that even in the midst of some of his greatest successes, he always keeps hearing his dad’s voice in the back of his head, telling him “you won’t amount to anything”. Funny how that works.

Next question: Are you pretty certain “things will work-out fine”, or are you spending [lots] of time delineating all the various ways it won’t? Don’t be like George in “Grey’s Anatomy”– walking-in, he already knows he’s going to get the short end of the stick. So he brings that ‘losing’ face forward, & thereby literally encourages everyone to say “no”. Basically, a ’self-fulfilling negative prophesy’.
I had a martial arts teacher once who literally would say, “if you beat up a masochist, you’re doing them a favor”. Er, not to say that this isn’t being completely amoral, or even psychotic, but there is a bit of useful truth in that– namely, the Victim is actually setting-up a world-picture that the world really does suck… & so they are very validated when it turns-out they’re ‘right’.

Consider a classic portrait of frustration– a perennial victim, amidst a string of [good] luck. Listen to them, & what do you hear? Not, “Ohmigod this is sooo terrific!” Nope, you’re going to hear “this won’t last” or even “I’m going to have to pay for this later”.

Again, funny how that works out.

Don’t confuse this with saying “blame the victim”–
Instead, realize that you [and only you] have the power to change your mental state.

And so if you know all this, & yet still keep playing the ‘victim game’, then there’s obviously some major validation happening for you, in that game.

  • maybe you get lots of attention, ie. sympathy.
  • maybe it makes you feel ‘free’ of responsibility for your actions.
  • maybe you don’t want to feel guilty about being happy, when your family all [act like] victims too.

…whatever it is, you’re letting these ‘victim positives’ outweigh the ‘true positives’ of walking-around w/ an actual smile on your face.

Or perhaps staying in a victim-game is just inertia– like how getting your ‘body in motion’ can be quite a trick, when you’ve just let it sit for years & years.

So let’s try some leverage on the ‘victim game’:

Ask: “how good would it feel, to wake-up happy? free?”

& some reverse leverage:

Ask: “how terrible it would feel, laying on your deathbed, & realizing, ‘oh man, I lived such a depressed life, & i didn’t have to!!’“

…Whatever you do, don’t keep playing the ‘Victim Game’… unless you’re enjoying it. Or rather, enjoying not enjoying it. :-P

Tags: ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

married life

Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

Praveen (10:40:25): Thanks a lot and any tips and tricks for a successful married life ;-)
danselmi (10:41:26): heheheh
danselmi (10:41:32): 1) say “Yes, Dear”
danselmi (10:41:34): -and-
danselmi (10:41:36): 2) “I’m sorry”
Praveen (10:41:46): hahahahahha thats what i hear from all
danselmi (10:41:48): …& buy flowers ocasionally
Praveen (10:41:53): sure sir
danselmi (10:42:22): :-D
danselmi (10:42:49): (1) and (2) are very tiny ‘payment’ for the happiness you get in ‘exchange’
Praveen (10:43:05): :-)

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

I Believe…

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006

I believe we’re all completely free, b/c we’re completely responsible for who-we-are…

I believe no one ‘makes’ us do anything; we always have a choice [the foundation of mysticism].

I believe ‘feeling pissed’ is just someone else’s energy (attention, expectation, judgement, competition, and/or ‘they-know-better’) in our space. Thus, getting un-pissed requires getting rid of that energy… & not getting pissed means not letting it in in the first place. But–

I believe it’s basically impossible to ‘keep’ ppl from dumping on you; you have to deal w/ it on your own end.

I believe all your ‘needs’ must be resolved from within, else you’ll always be in some state of “need someone else to change”… which is a recipe for disaster. People might (temporarily) change their behavior, if you hound them… but they won’t change how they feel, & they most definitely will not change who they are, just b/c someone else ‘needs’ them to change.

I believe w/ most ppl, one can learn to be less sensitive, less ‘available’ for their judgement/competition (competition = “You’re not okay exactly as you are; you need to change”). But with others… just like the bullfighter, all you can do is ‘get out of the way’. Expecting yourself to be ‘impervious’ (ie, “blown all your pictures”) at all times is just silly; even Jesus (Buddha, Lao Tzu, etc) occasionally lost his space.

I believe what you do & do not know about somebody else has zero effect on your own ability to change & to grow. If there is a dependency on someone else changing for you to change, that is co-dependence & really gets you no-where. (this, fwiw, completely negates the validity of born-agains, & born-again-like’s such as Scientology, est/’Landmark Forum’, & various other ‘multi-level marketed’ philosophies).
I believe there is no such thing as “bad experience”. The only bad experience is regretted experience, b/c then you’re not mining it to its deepest potential. You are, every day, the sum total of everything you have ever done. Your life-experience is your ‘pearl-of-great-price’, & nobody anywhere has your ’special blend’. To try to ‘forget’, or ‘pretend’ something didn’t happen, is just a natural tendency that occurs when we haven’t completed our integration process… in other words, denial.

One of the most overwhelming, if not worst, experiences happened to me at Tae Kwon Do when I was 16yrs old. The big black guy had me lined-up, & threw a murderous spinning back-side kick. And me, in my infinite stupidity, tried to back-away (never back-away; always dodge to the side). He nailed me, knocked-me-out right thru my pads, slammed me up against the wall. I was unconscious before I hit the floor. & when I woke? Little Master Na, leaning over me shaking his finger:

Master Na: “Good experience!!”
Me: “Huh? (Are you kidding me?!)”

i wanted to cry, to run, to die… but mostly to breathe, which felt like fire.

But you know what? years later, I realized something– I was a lot less afraid about getting hit. Why? b/c I’d been hit before, really hard, knocked-out standing-up… & I wasn’t dead. I’m still walking-around. & I believe– that’s actually really really empowering.

I believe “true needs” are fundamental… like food & water (but even those are flexible, if you train yoga). Everything else is some level of ‘want’. Kind of like Id & Ego.

I believe a really powerful ‘way-of-living’ goes like this:

  1. Choose your outcome
  2. Work towards that goal in all interactions, &
  3. Bite-sized steps [cf, Pryor's Don't Shoot the Dog]

But you know what? Sometimes if the mind is in a bad habit, no amount of ‘good techniques’ available will help pry you from that bad habit. You’ll just feel frustrated, knowing what you “should” be doing, but feeling powerless (or at least demotivated) to actually do it.

Example– my taiji teacher is highly skilled at repatterning experience… from visualization, projection, induced healing, etc… & once accidentally slammed his toe w/ a pickaxe.
-We all eagerly asked, “which [pain-reducing] technique did you use?”
-He smiled ruefully. “Pretty-much, leaned-over, grabbed my foot, hopped-around & yelled ‘Owwwww!!’”
We’re all human.

I believe there’s a panopoly of tremendously powerful modalities which are extremely effective for changing Who-You-Are. In fact, there’s so many now, all equipped with profuse writings & capable teachers (who actually want you to learn), that there’s really no excuse for sitting on your ass, if you’re unsatisfied w/ yourself. Unless you’re not sure ‘which’ to choose. And thus…

I believe, first & last, you must follow your Own Intuition.

I believe ‘baggage’ never stopped anyone from having relationships; just look at how many guys on death row have girl-friends(!!) Instead– ask yourself are you ready, regardless of what everyone else thinks. When you are, you’ll find someone else, toot-sweet.
I believe using empowering metaphors ‘magically’ changes the world (or at least the one around you) into a better place. And if it doesn’t, I believe I won’t notice :-)

I believe I’m done.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

“Truth” & the ‘net

Wednesday, February 1st, 2006

When we think about ‘research’ lately, we all grab out computers & go to Google.

Why?

B/c it’s convenient, sure… super-fast, & there’s tons of information there.

But just think– Google & all other search engines are designed to sort information by ‘page-hits’… or in other words, “Truth as measured by popular approval”.

But if you think about it, that’s silly– all the major creative & scientific discoveries in the history of the world, were made by ppl who did NOT think the way others thought… in fact, they often so ‘thought different’ that they were ridiculed, ostracized, or even put to death.

In two of the fields that I operate, namely internal martial arts (Instructor since ‘93) & the Chinese game of ‘Go’ (4dan AGA), what’s written about these practices is most-often wholly incorrect. Most of what you can find (online or otherwise) is just ppl writing what they ‘think’ is true, & others writing what they ‘heard somewhere’. & so what you get is misunderstanding followed by misunderstanding.
Small wonder Vernor Vinge calls it the “Net of a million lies”.

Next time, check if the person speaking or writing is calm, reserved, casual. Or are they strident, super-certain, possibly defensive? The former sounds like a person with personal experience… & the later isn’t.

But best– find out for yourself.

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

teach them everything you know

Saturday, August 20th, 2005

Lou Holtz (spectacularly winning coach of Notre Dame) was well-known for teaching everything he knew to his coaching staff…. w/ the result that many of them left Notre Dame & became famous college & professional coaches elsewhere. So he was once asked, “aren’t you worried that you’re ‘giving it all away’?”

& Lou said “no! I teach them everything I know, & want them to be the best coaches they can.”
but the questioner persisted– “but aren’t you concerned they just take everything you’ve taught them & leave?”

& Lou said “no. I’ve got a waiting list a mile long of all the best Assistant Coaches in the country, who all want to coach at Notre Dame. And thus we get the [benefits] of their abilities for 2+ years while they’re learning… I think that’s a fair bargain”.

…& this is just as true in the workplace.
The Manager who keeps information, skills, & decisions close-to-the-vest is not investing in either the wellbeing of his personnel, nor the viability or effectiveness of his Team as a whole. I’ve met quite a few seasoned managers who proudly declaim “you’ve gotta keep technical ppl on a short leash; they always seem to want to ‘dress-up’ the requirements with the latest/sexiest bells’n'whistles. You’ve gotta ‘rein-them-in’”.

And that can usually work reasonably well in the short-term; you will deliver exactly what the Business asked-for, & probably in a timely manner. The problem is, over time, you’ll notice that those [solutions] being delivered by your Team aren’t very creative anymore (example: just fixing the ’symptom’, rather than solving the source-problem). Since part of a good software analyst’s job is “systems analysis”, ie. optimizing business-processes, the best technical person is one who not only knows the technical details, but is creative/flexible at applying them.

But if you-as-Manager have built a habit of discouraging ‘creative thought’ from your technical team, it will be you who is in trouble, next time you bid or are tasked a big (and/or ‘interesting’) project. What you’ll find is that your best creative minds aren’t producing terrific solutions [or worse, have long-since-left for more interesting work elsewhere], & you’ll deliver less functionality, & slower, than a flexible, enthusiastic team whose members’ creativity has been rewarded.

When you hold your Team back, it’s not only their career-growth that suffers, but it’s yours as well (b/c you won’t be performing at optimum). So it’s really in your best interest to ensure that your ppl have time to explore their own solutions… even if you think they’re ‘barking up a tree’. Your job as Manager is to let them know the Strategy, check-in once in a while to see if they need any escalations, & then get the hell outta the way.

If you cannot set direction, delegate, support your ppl no matter what, & always take full responsibility… it won’t just be that you’ll be a [bad] manager of a low-morale group…

…you’ll also be severely outperformed (both in the marketplace & in your own workplace) by Managers/Leaders who can.

Tags: ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

choosing a School

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005

here’s a few useful guidelines for choosing a school… whether it be meditation, t’ai ch’i, filmmaking, or flower-arrangement. :-)

…usually most of us choose a school based on testimony of a friend (“hey, this place is great!”), or checking-out a top practitioner, & asking them “where’d you learn how to do that?”

To the raw beginner, most any school is better than no school… simply b/c the “getting off your a** & starting to practice” is a pretty big hurdle for most ppl. But if you have any desire to get good at what you’re practicing, it’s a good idea to scrutinize a bit:

1) did the Founder know anything => “is there any good info there”
*check historic records
*take disciples’ [gushing] accolades w/ a grain of salt
*take hand-me-down testimony, esp. from ppl who never met the guy/gal, w/ a bucket of salt
2) does the [current] Teacher know anything => “is the good info still there”
*meet them, check them out
*find others whose opinions you respect, & have them check them out
3) are the current students any good => “is the good info [still] being taught”
*there are tons of top practitioners who can’t teach worth a sh*t… eg:
-they’re “forgotten more than they know”,
-they’ve been practicing at an advanced level for so long they can’t remember how to ‘explain’ the basics to beginners…
-they’re bored and/or unenthusiastic w/ beginners
*also, sometimes some teachers don’t want ‘competition’, so subtly ‘hold-back’ their top students
-this happens a lot w/ esoteric Eastern arts [esp. if you're not a native of that culture]… they DON’T WANT to really teach you
-they’ll take your $$, & won’t mind obfuscating or letting you be stuck… for years

…& finally– notice if the ppl at the school are Happy.

…it’s like interviewing at a job– that first impression speaks volumes, & you’ll always come-back to it, years later after you’re hired:
“yeah, i remember everybody seeming stressed-out, & saying ‘oh you don’t want to work here’, but i thought they were just kidding”.
Um, no. They weren’t.

And whereas there’s some expected amount of gnarly class-experience to [overcome] (esp. w/ Martial Arts, for example)…
…that’s probably not the [environment] you want to be in, if you’re learning meditation, for example.

Happy Learning!

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »