various verbiage

Here’s a little something I worked-up for a workshop some years back:
Ever have that moment when ‘life sucks’? When everything seems just ‘too-much’, when you just wanna give-in?

Sure you have. it’s normal; it’s a valid part of the human condition (“human”, b/c you can spend a whole heckofalot of time futilely waiting to see a cat ever act this way ).

And if “life-sucks” is part of the human condition, so is its opposite — ie, getting out of that state-of-mind, & [back] into “life-is-great”.

Let’s start w/ a reality-check– why not stop, take a second, & check which side of the ‘classical divide’ you’re in right now:

• is the glass 1/2-full? -or-
• is the glass 1/2-empty?

Or if that seems too silly or arbitrary, try instead to see if you can say “5 nice things” right now. Doesn’t matter about who, & you don’t have to ‘share’… but if you can say them aloud that can help a lot to make them more ‘real’.

So what did you get? ’5 Nice Things’, ‘Glass is 1/2-full’, everything great? Well then, off with you! You’re doing great, so go grab some sun, or catch a movie… The rest of us here are going to explore this a little further.
Okay, where were we? The first thing to realize about the ‘life-sucks’ frame-of-mind, is it’s just that– only a frame-of-mind, & a temporary one at that.

How’s that? Well, it’s literally impossible to always stay in a ‘depressed’ state-of-mind… for example, if you shove your face in front of a butterfly, a giggling baby girl, or a clown, it’s very hard to stay depressed. Similarly, if you practice ‘Inner Smile’… ie, ‘fake it’.

Which is why, when you’re depressed, you often [unconsciously] try to avoid those happy things… some part of you wants to sit in that unhappy energy, wants to wallow in it, b/c it’s getting something from it, some kind of validation from it.

Well, that’s all fine, & even ‘normal’ as well!

However– I submit to you, the part of you that’s getting validation for wallowing in depression, is not you.

Here’s a reality-check– what do you ‘sound like’, when you say (or think) negative things, eg. when you’re depressed? Er, maybe sounds like that person who was depressed when you were a kid? Or maybe like that parent who always gave you a hard time? Billionaire Larry Ellison told an interviewer once, that even in the midst of some of his greatest successes, he always keeps hearing his dad’s voice in the back of his head, telling him “you won’t amount to anything”. Funny how that works.

Next question: Are you pretty certain “things will work-out fine”, or are you spending [lots] of time delineating all the various ways it won’t? Don’t be like George in “Grey’s Anatomy”– walking-in, he already knows he’s going to get the short end of the stick. So he brings that ‘losing’ face forward, & thereby literally encourages everyone to say “no”. Basically, a ‘self-fulfilling negative prophesy’.
I had a martial arts teacher once who literally would say, “if you beat up a masochist, you’re doing them a favor”. Er, not to say that this isn’t being completely amoral, or even psychotic, but there is a bit of useful truth in that– namely, the Victim is actually setting-up a world-picture that the world really does suck… & so they are very validated when it turns-out they’re ‘right’.

Consider a classic portrait of frustration– a perennial victim, amidst a string of [good] luck. Listen to them, & what do you hear? Not, “Ohmigod this is sooo terrific!” Nope, you’re going to hear “this won’t last” or even “I’m going to have to pay for this later”.

Again, funny how that works out.

Don’t confuse this with saying “blame the victim”–
Instead, realize that you [and only you] have the power to change your mental state.

And so if you know all this, & yet still keep playing the ‘victim game’, then there’s obviously some major validation happening for you, in that game.

• maybe you get lots of attention, ie. sympathy.
• maybe it makes you feel ‘free’ of responsibility for your actions.
• maybe you don’t want to feel guilty about being happy, when your family all [act like] victims too.

…whatever it is, you’re letting these ‘victim positives’ outweigh the ‘true positives’ of walking-around w/ an actual smile on your face.

Or perhaps staying in a victim-game is just inertia– like how getting your ‘body in motion’ can be quite a trick, when you’ve just let it sit for years & years.

So let’s try some leverage on the ‘victim game’:

Ask: “how good would it feel, to wake-up happy? free?”

& some reverse leverage:

Ask: “how terrible it would feel, laying on your deathbed, & realizing, ‘oh man, I lived such a depressed life, & i didn’t have to!!’“

…Whatever you do, don’t keep playing the ‘Victim Game’… unless you’re enjoying it. Or rather, enjoying not enjoying it.

Tags: learning+teaching, meditation

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